5 Simple Steps to Avoid Getting a Job Interview

You have an equal opportunity (or as one recent job candidate wrote in the first line of his resume:  “an opertunity”) …to destroy your chances of getting called in for a job interview.

Simple 1st step for getting out of a job interview is what 80% of on-line job applicants are doing: send blah, or blah that should have been spell-checked and proofread.

Step 2: Show laziness + ignorance by either not including a cover letter, or (even better – for your purpose) sending a one-size-fits-all cover letter that doesn’t even mention what the company does or what the job requires.

When you don’t take time to individualize your application for a specific role at a particular company, you won’t need to worry about a quality company taking your time for a job interview. They’ll immediately put you where you seemed to ask to be put – in  the Not Interested pile.

Step 3: If you’re still in danger of having to be interviewed, your next line of defense requires going beyond canned blah. You may need the help of an overused, senseless expert in bad blah, like the book, What Color Is Your Parachute. By using all of its meaningless “key” words, you have a recipe for avoiding the disclosure of any spark of your own creativity or insight. This me-too approach will keep companies from expecting too much from you.

Step 4: You shouldn’t have to put this much effort into not being selected for interviews, but this just-in-case step improves your odds of not being interviewed because it insults the intelligence of whomever makes those recommendations. Be sure you take this step to extremes. Unfortunately for you, many others seem to be catching on to this trick. You’ll have to one-up what is being said by all the other wannabe losers.

Use highly unbelievable statements about how much you have done in so little time (“I worked for a very high status company for 6 months, and during that time I increased corporate revenues by 28%). Or how you saved an entire company from disaster by your discovery of all of their mistakes (“Reviewed and redesigned corporate strategic plan and established a workable system that impacted the productivity of all departments.”) Or how just little “newbie-you” outsmarted the corporate culture (“I introduced the company to the world of social media and got thousands of on-line followers to chat with us.”).

 Step 5: Not sure you can sound more boastful than so many others? This last step is what some have used as the dagger in the heart of an almost-ready-to-interview-you situation. You may even find it fun:  Complain about the potential employer’s hiring process.

There may be an employee who will give you credit for being outspoken (or agree with you that their company is not doing a good job) so be sure when you use this technique that you call the company owner or CEO on his or her personal cell phone. Here’s a sample script that is pretty sure to get you out of the interview:

“I don’t know why you think anyone would want to work for your company. I shouldn’t have to show you examples of my private, personally done work, or spend my free time reading your website, or put up with you snooping around my Facebook stuff.  And, I shouldn’t have to fill out that stupid Kolbe Index.”

10 Comments

Filed under Self-Help

10 responses to “5 Simple Steps to Avoid Getting a Job Interview

  1. Great information. I know a young woman that spent hours polishing her resume and then went door to door asking to speak with manage, so she could personally give them her resume. She had three interviews within a week and a job within 2 weeks. Extra care and effort = “lucky”.

  2. jeff

    I feel as though I may have lost the opportunity for a position I wanted and that would have helped my career a great deal, due to my Kolby. People need to take learning positions along the way in life. Maybe they don’t reflect their very best fit, but even the President of the United States wasn’t the boss in his first job, or his second or his third most likely. But if his Kolby said he should be President, he might not have been hired for that first job. I get the power of personality testing, but the grand idea that Kolby can pick the jobs I must have, or pick the personality that will be the nirvonic fit for a given job, in order to achieve peak performance – this feels at moments a little bit like personality pigeon-holeing to me.

  3. Tim

    Unfortunately, the President never was the boss, never hired or fired anybody. He never really had a real job. Your example makes a great case for Kolbe. Student, guest lecturer, community activist are not the increasing responsibility “jobs” that would make for a great president and I’m sure his Kolbe would show that he has no strong executive tendencies and would have exposed his lack of consensus building skills. Whether you like him or not, it’s undeniable that many of the operational characteristics needed as president are within his “conative instincts”. The principal benefit of Kolbe, from my perspective, is to recognize which jobs or rolls play into your strengths or require you to operate outside of your “genius” too much so that you can choose or compensate.

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